My first, real inspiration, came from reading Hamptons magazine, Volume 32, Issue 8. I picked up a free copy at a local market where you could have a high end deli sandwich and even order from a catering menu. I was immediately blown away by the cover of Kelly Rutherford, bony and pale in an ice blue Fendi dress, looking like she was judging me with one hand on her hip. It would have completely bored me if not for the fact that she was wearing a gown and gaudy jewelry on the beach during the daytime.
I found a coffee shop and opted to put my current book down to rifle through this heap of advertising and drink an iced mocha. (I tried to order the most high maintenance drink possible to keep with the spirit of the Hamptons only to find out that the most fussy drink can only be ordered by the most fussy customer... a quad something which had to be explained to the newly trained cashier, by the manager, since the customer was too important to explicate.) Thinking I was sitting at a local shop, I took my magazine out to the porch to people watch and read. I later found out that the "local shop" was in fact Jack's, a popular coffee spot in Manhattan with two other locations and plans for expansion. I was able to read about Jack's on New York Magazine's website, (nymag.com) and look through themed merchandise on Jack's website (jacksstirbrew.com) including a $55 sweatshirt and vintage military jacket for $79.95. No thanks.
Back to Kelly Rutherford...
the matriarch of Gossip Girl, which is a popular show on the CW network. I've never seen the show but a description on the CW website reads, "High society and low blows are back as Gossip Girl, a one hour drama
about the scandalous lives of Manhattan's elite..." that's all you need to know. Rutherford, a divorced, upper east side mom, with two children, Helena and Hermes, is a symbol of a woman with a consumerist lifestyle. She name drops restaurants and places she takes her kids. She admits her son is named for the French brand of luxury goods and not the Greek messenger of the Gods. The god, Hermes among other things was the god of commerce. He led those who died to the underworld by ferry. Taking a ferry to the underworld... sound familiar?
One thing I did make note of while staying in Amagansett, was the real estate activity. There were mini mansions being built left and right and for sale signs on many new properties. In "Hamptons", Volume 32, Issue 8, you can gain some real estate insight in "Broker Beat". This recurring article by Jane Kellogg is more of an interview with two prominent brokers, Matthew Breitenbach and Lori Barbaria. Let's begin with Breitenbach's blatant honesty about being a young agent and how this enables him to relate to other young, successful people who are in the finance world and who are driving the market in the Hamptons. Doesn't it make you sad to think that this beach town with already one of the ten most expensive zip codes, is currently only becoming more and more exclusive? Where is the diversity that New Yorkers are so accustomed to? What about older people who want to retire in the Hamptons? What about anybody else? The Hamptons is practically one big shopping mall. A shopping mall that Lori Barbaria describes as "country lifestyle... with fresh organic farm foods, paddleboarding, biking, yoga, yard sales, exploring and (of course) fantastic real estate". She also explains during her interview that she consults psychics to help her make sales and that if you maintain a sincere way of living, you too can be successful. I guess all the maids, cooks, chauffeurs and nannies that work on Long Island are insincere.
"Hamptons" magazine, just like all magazines, is filled with advertisements. I found the ads as compelling as the articles. My favorite promotional page was entirely devoted to Dr. Paul Jarrod Frank. Dr. Frank also has an office on the Upper East Side. He deals mostly with cosmetic rejuvenation which, by reading between the lines, appears to be aging. Aging is a natural process which is widely respected in African countries and other nations unlike in America. For some reason, it is socially acceptable in this country, to pretend that you will never die. Dr. Paul Jarrod Frank can help you look the same age forever by using a fractional laser. Dr. Frank explains that this procedure rejuvenates skin kind of like "repaving a road". Delightful! When asked if the procedure is safe the doc beats around the bush and talks about minimal recovery time and then assures us he uses the "Rolls Royce of lasers". I guess if you're having half your face burnt off, you would like to have it done by a laser with rims.
Another great article, entitled "Prince Charming" by Amanda Weiner, interviews Sasson Basha a trust fund type of guy who works in his family's jewelry design business. He pretends he cares about jewelry design a little and then reveals he takes days off from work to surf, loves his Blackberry and IPod and is currently reading Bret Easton Ellis' new book, "Imperial Bedrooms". Anybody ever heard of "American Psycho"? One of Ellis' most popular books where he describes the gluttony that is the yuppie lifestyle and has the main character, a serial killer, off some of his financial district, yuppie peers. I wonder if Matthew Breitenbach would sell a house to Patrick Bateman.
Let's end with something from "End Notes", a part of "Hamptons" magazine that gossips and dishes. The first article called "Hedge Fun" is written by Michael Braverman. It mentions the popularity of high privet hedges in the Hamptons as a way of fencing a property. While Braverman writes with a reasonably objective viewpoint, I couldn't help but quote, "A quiet street lined with high privet hedges, excluding outsiders and enclosing those who belong, is an oft-evoked (and generally accurate) representation of the Hamptons.".
Who really belongs in the Underworld? I wish we could ask Hermes.
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